Stop talking about it

Love, in its many manifestations, is the lifeblood of the human experience. It binds us, drives us, and at times, breaks us. The end of a romantic relationship is an ordeal that most of us will endure at some point in our lives. The pain, confusion, and nostalgia that follow can be overwhelming. Yet, a crucial part of healing and moving forward lies in our ability to let go and stop talking about our past broken relationships. This is not a call for repression but rather a plea for progression.

1. Dwelling Hinders Healing

Constantly revisiting and discussing a past relationship, especially one that ended painfully, can trap an individual in a cycle of despair and nostalgia. By continuously speaking of past experiences, we reinforce the emotional bond, hindering our ability to heal and move on.

Neuroscientifically speaking, our brains strengthen pathways and connections with repetition. Every time you revisit a memory, talk about an experience, or dwell on a sentiment, you are effectively deepening the neural pathways associated with that emotion. Thus, the adage, “practice makes perfect,” can also mean “practice makes permanent.” If you continuously focus on past hurt, you engrain it deeper into your psyche.

2. Unfair Comparisons

When we hold onto past relationships, we inadvertently set them as benchmarks for future ones. This isn’t always productive. For one, it can lead to an idealized view of the past, where only the positive moments shine through, casting shadows on any present or future relationships.

Comparing new partners to exes based on snippets of past experiences isn’t just unfair to them; it’s unfair to you. It restricts you from experiencing a relationship in its full, organic form, free from past entanglements.

3. Emotional Availability

It’s nearly impossible to be emotionally available to a new partner when you’re still emotionally tethered to a past relationship. By consistently talking about and dwelling on a former partner, you are unintentionally reserving a section of your emotional bandwidth for them.

This isn’t to say that one should forget past relationships entirely. They form part of our story and personal growth. However, there is a distinct difference between remembering past experiences and being emotionally entangled with them.

4. The Power of the Present

Life is happening right now, in this very moment. Each second spent ruminating about past relationships is a second taken away from experiencing the present. Whether it’s enjoying singlehood, fostering other personal relationships, or exploring new romantic ventures, there’s a world waiting to be experienced.

Being present also helps in personal growth. By focusing on the now, you get a clearer view of your needs, desires, boundaries, and aspirations. This clarity is crucial for personal development and for establishing healthier relationships in the future.

5. Personal Identity and Growth

Every relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, teaches us something about ourselves. They help shape our views, beliefs, and character. However, incessantly talking about past relationships, especially broken ones, can tether one’s identity to them. Instead of being “Jane who loves to hike, write, and volunteer,” it becomes “Jane, who was hurt by John.”

Personal growth often necessitates moving past hurtful experiences, learning from them, and using that knowledge for self-improvement. If one remains entangled in past heartbreak, it becomes challenging to see the myriad of possibilities and potentials that lie ahead.

6. The Social Impact

While it’s essential to have supportive friends and family to lean on during trying times, continuously discussing a past relationship can strain these relationships. Your loved ones want to see you happy and progressing. Constantly circling back to past hurt can leave them feeling helpless and, in some cases, frustrated.

Furthermore, this continuous focus on the past can make you less approachable to potential friends or romantic partners. They might feel they’re competing with a ghost or that you’re not entirely present in your interactions with them.


The end of a relationship is undeniably painful. It’s natural to grieve, seek support, and process the experience. However, there comes a point where it’s essential to recognize the need to move forward, for your well-being and growth. This doesn’t mean forgetting the past or invalidating genuine emotions. It means recognizing the power the past holds and consciously choosing to redirect that power towards building a brighter, freer future.

Remember, life is filled with chapters. Some are heartbreaking, while others overflow with joy. It’s up to us to decide how long we linger on each page.